Sikh Marriage Ceremony
Anand Karaj
Prepared for those who take part in the congregation of a Sikh Marriage Ceremony.
Compiled by Dr. Pritam Singh (New Zealand)
Siri Raag Mahala 5
The One Who gives peace, Who destroys fear — before Him say your prayer.
Those to whom the Merciful Master shows His mercy have their tasks successfully concluded.
Gurudwara: Etiquette and Protocol
By Dr. Pritam Singh
Welcome to Gurudwara, the name given to the Sikh place of worship. The term Gurudwara literally means “the door” or “the gateway to the Guru”.
It is a place where the Guru Granth Sahib, our Holy Scripture, is present. It is open to everyone regardless of age, sex, caste or creed and is the centre for congregational worship of Sikhism.
It also plays a socio-economic role in the Sikh community. Attached to every Gurudwara is a free kitchen where the Langar is prepared and served.
This section is prepared for the benefit of the first-time visitor to the Gurudwara. The following explanation of etiquette and protocol is intended to help visitors understand the customary pattern of worship.
Pattern of worship
Kirtan
The singing of Gurbani hymns, generally accompanied by instruments such as the harmonium and tabla.
Katha / Gurbani Vichar
Reading of the Holy Hymns followed by explanation, a sermon or a talk appropriate for the occasion.
Ardaas
The congregational prayer offered at the conclusion of the service.
Before entering the hall
- Take off your shoes.
- Wash your hands.
- Cover your head.
- Think of the Guru.
Upon entering the hall
- Fold both hands and walk slowly towards the Guru Granth Sahib.
- Bow humbly and touch your forehead to the ground out of respect for the Guru Granth Sahib.
- As you bow, an offering may respectfully be placed before the Guru. The source notes that this may be money, a flower or a word of thanks; any sincere expression of gratitude is acceptable.
- After bowing and making the offering, sit quietly in the Sangat without disturbing others.
- The source notes that men and women usually sit on separate sides.
- Sit comfortably and peacefully. The cross-legged position is commonly used, but feet should not be pointed towards the Guru Granth Sahib.
- Do not talk or chew gum during the congregation.
Usual sequence of the service
- Kirtan: singing of the Holy Hymns — Gurbani.
- Katha / Gurbani Vichar: reading of the Holy Hymns followed by explanation or a sermon appropriate to the occasion.
- Recitation of portions of the Anand Sahib.
- Ardaas.
- The Hukam, the Guru's message or Order to the Sangat.
- Distribution of Karah Parsad.
- Langar may then be served.
Joining in the Ardaas
- Stand straight with folded hands and think of the Guru.
- Sing together: “Too Thakur Tum Peh Ardaas”.
- After the Ardaas continue standing and sing: “Aage-aa bha-ee Akal kee, Tabhee Chala-io Panth”.
- The Ardaas concludes with the Jaikara: “Boley So Neehal... Sat Sri Akal”.
- Sit quietly while the Hukam is read.
- Upon completion of the Hukam, Karah Parsad is distributed to the Sangat.
Foreword
What is Anand Marriage?
Dr. Gobind Singh Mansukhani, M.A., L.L.B., Ph.D., D.R.S. (Lond.)
The Anand form of marriage, which was given statutory recognition in 1909 under the Anand Marriage Act, has been observed since the early days of Sikhism.
Sikh boys and girls are married according to this form when they are grown-up and fit to undertake matrimonial responsibilities. Marriages are generally arranged and assisted by parents, though there is no bar to the boy and girl deciding on their own.
The marriage ceremony is simple but impressive. The bride and bridegroom, together with their relatives and friends, form a congregation with the Guru Granth Sahib in their midst.
The couple and their parents stand and an Ardas is offered seeking God's blessings. The person in charge addresses the bride and bridegroom individually and explains the duties of the new life they are about to enter.
Anand marriage is a sacrament. The Guru is a witness to the marriage.
The bridegroom is to vow fidelity to his wife — Istribrat Dharam — while the bride is to vow fidelity to her husband — Patibrat Dharam.
The source explains the responsibilities expected of the husband and wife and states that the couple signifies consent by bowing before the Guru Granth Sahib.
The scarf of the bridegroom is then placed in the hands of the bride. The Granthi or officiating person reads the Lavan of Guru Ramdas.
Each stanza explains a stage in the development of a life of love.
Duty
Performance of duties towards family and community.
Selfless Love
Holy fear, devoted service, sacrifice, yearning and enthusiasm.
Vairag
Detachment, where human love is superseded by divine love.
Harmony
Union and complete identification with each other.
After each stanza is read, the couple goes around the Guru Granth Sahib, the bridegroom leading the bride, while the stanza is sung to the accompaniment of musical instruments.
After the Lavan, Anand Sahib is read. Following Ardas, Karah Parsad is distributed to all present. The source concludes by stating that monogamy is practised by Sikhs.
Wedding Sermon
A Wedding Sermon
By Bhayee Sahib of Bagrian — December 14, 1959
All Sikh ceremonies are very simple. They are based primarily on the principle:
Jalo aisi reet jit main piyara visrai
Set fire to such rituals and ceremonies that lead me away from my Beloved.
The ceremony of marriage is also very simple. It consists of prayer and vow. All ceremonies, whether of joy or sorrow, begin and end with prayer.
ਕੀਤਾ ਲੋੜੀਐ ਕੰਮੁ ਸੁ ਹਰਿ ਪਹਿ ਆਖੀਐ ॥
Kita Loriye kam so har pai akhiye
Whenever there is any work on hand, address God about it.
A lecture or sermon is no part of the ceremony. Even singing of hymns is no part of it. Music and Kirtan create a proper atmosphere. The essential part is prayer.
But it is proper and advisable to understand the laws and procedure of the court to whose jurisdiction one submits. Now that the couple is in the sacred court of the Lord, it is necessary to understand the Guru's teachings and ideals concerning married life.
Sikhism and the family way of life
Sikhism is not a way of renunciation. For salvation, realization of Truth and attainment of God, one does not have to abandon home and wander in forests and wilderness seeking the Lord who pervades within all.
The comforts and pleasures of the world are worth enjoying, but one must not become their slave. The sermon refers to the Sukhmani of Guru Arjan Dev and teaches that while enjoying food, clothing, homes, family and worldly comforts, the Supreme Lord should remain in mind and His gifts should be received with gratitude.
ਜਿਸ ਦਾ ਦਿਤਾ ਖਾਵਣਾ ਤਿਸੁ ਕਹੀਐ ਸਾਬਾਸਿ ॥
Jis da ditta khavna tis kahiye sabas.
Gratefully thank the Great Giver.
Sikhism is described as a way of life — Jivan Siksha — in which human beings discharge their Dharam towards the Creator and towards the world in which He has placed them.
It teaches control and correction of the attitude of the mind and the attuning of the individual soul with the Divine Will of the Universal Soul.
Family life — Grihasth Ashram — is therefore presented as the natural and superior way of life in Sikhism: living in the world like the lotus and swan, within the water yet unaffected by its turbulent waves.
Spiritual meaning of the Lavan
The sermon explains that the four hymns composed by Guru Ramdas were not written specifically for the marriage ceremony. They describe the wedding of the individual soul — Atma — with the Great Spouse, the Universal Soul — Parmatma.
Four stages are identified in this spiritual progress: Fear, Love, Restraint and Harmony. Married life is encouraged to follow the same ideal.
Conjugal relations are presented not merely as a means of worldly comfort or perpetuation of the human race, but as a means of approaching God and cultivating useful and fruitful lives.
Marriage is therefore described not merely as a contract that can be repudiated at will, but as a sacrament — a holy union consecrated in accordance with Divine Will.
ਧਨ ਪਿਰੁ ਏਹਿ ਨ ਆਖੀਅਨਿ ਬਹਨਿ ਇਕਠੇ ਹੋਇ ॥
ਏਕ ਜੋਤਿ ਦੁਇ ਮੂਰਤੀ ਧਨ ਪਿਰੁ ਕਹੀਐ ਸੋਇ ॥
Dhan pir eh na akhiyan behn ikatthe hoe.
Ek jot doey murti, dhan pir kahiye soe.
They are not to be called husband and wife who only sit together; rather they are husband and wife who have one spirit in two bodies.
First stage — Fear
The first stage is Fear. The sermon explains that this does not mean slavish fear, but “Nirmal bhao” — a moral awareness and discipline that removes other fears.
Husband and wife are to tread gently towards one another, fearing to hurt one another but not being afraid of one another. Love is delicate and can be injured by departures from truth and sincerity.
Bringing a previously unknown individual into a new family, environment, elders and relationships requires sensitivity, loving tact, patient sympathy and accommodation. The sermon identifies this moral sensitivity as the Fear described by the Guru.
Second stage — Love
Out of this grows Love. The word used is Chao: enthusiasm, eagerness, hope and optimistic pleasure.
The sermon asks how enthusiasm can remain alive when youth and physical beauty cannot remain forever. Its answer is love — unchanging love through every condition, trouble and illness.
Sahib mera neet nawan
My Lord is ever new and fresh.
Troubles, although difficult, provide a loving heart with opportunities for service and sacrifice and can therefore deepen love.
Third stage — Vairag
Man chao bhaya bairagiya balram jio.
Love comes into the heart which withdraws itself from all other affections.
The sermon describes the emotional transition of the bride from her parental home towards her new life. The occasion is both joyful and deeply emotional: a new home is gained while old moorings are left behind.
ਹਭੇ ਸਾਕ ਕੂੜਾਵੇ ਡਿਠੇ ਤਉ ਪਲੈ ਤੈਡੈ ਲਾਗੀ ॥
Habhe sak kurave ditthe tao palle tainde lagi.
When all relations appeared imperfect, I sought thy hand.
In the beginning love may be immediate and compelling, but constant association and understanding develop restraint and self-control. Affection becomes calm and stable; absence ceases to be separation. This is described as Vairag.
Fourth stage — Sehaj
The final stage is Sehaj — complete oneness and perfect balance, without separation or mistrust.
The bride's past and present become the bridegroom's past and present, and his become hers. They feel and think together and become “Ek jot doey murati” — one spirit in two bodies.
Responsibilities in married life
- Husband and wife have equal status. They are described as the two wheels of the chariot of life. Family life, Grehasth, is presented as a sacred order in Sikhism. Fidelity is required equally of husband and wife.
- The sermon advises the bride concerning adjustment to married life and enjoins the groom to protect her life and honour and provide the necessities and comforts of life.
Gurbani
Hymns from Sri Guru Granth Sahib
ASA, Fifth Guru
Santa Ki Hoi Dasry
ਸਗਲ ਗੁਣਾ ਗੁਣ ਊਤਮੋ ਭਰਤਾ ਦੂਰਿ ਨ ਪਿਖੁ ਰੀ ॥੧॥
ਇਹੁ ਮਨੁ ਸੁੰਦਰਿ ਆਪਣਾ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮਿ ਮਜੀਠੈ ਰੰਗਿ ਰੀ ॥
ਤਿਆਗਿ ਸਿਆਣਪ ਚਾਤੁਰੀ ਤੂੰ ਜਾਣੁ ਗੁਪਾਲਹਿ ਸੰਗਿ ਰੀ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
ਭਰਤਾ ਕਹੈ ਸੁ ਮਾਨੀਐ ਏਹੁ ਸੀਗਾਰੁ ਬਣਾਇ ਰੀ ॥
ਦੂਜਾ ਭਾਉ ਵਿਸਾਰੀਐ ਏਹੁ ਤੰਬੋਲਾ ਖਾਇ ਰੀ ॥੨॥
ਗੁਰ ਕਾ ਸਬਦੁ ਕਰਿ ਦੀਪਕੋ ਇਹ ਸਤ ਕੀ ਸੇਜ ਬਿਛਾਇ ਰੀ ॥
ਆਠ ਪਹਰ ਕਰ ਜੋੜਿ ਰਹੁ ਤਉ ਭੇਟੈ ਹਰਿ ਰਾਇ ਰੀ ॥੩॥
ਤਿਸ ਹੀ ਚਜੁ ਸੀਗਾਰੁ ਸਭੁ ਸਾਈ ਰੂਪਿ ਅਪਾਰਿ ਰੀ ॥
ਸਾਈ ਸੁਹਾਗਣਿ ਨਾਨਕਾ ਜੋ ਭਾਣੀ ਕਰਤਾਰਿ ਰੀ ॥੪॥੧੬॥੧੧੮॥
Become the handmaiden of the saints. Learn thou this conduct.
The sublimest virtue of all virtues is not to see thy Spouse afar.
Dye this beautiful soul of thine with the madder of God's Name, O bride. Abandon cleverness and cunningness and know that the World-cherisher is with thee.
What the Spouse says, act thou on that. Make this thy embellishment. Forget the love of another.
Make this Gurbani thy lamp and spread the couch of chastity. All day long remain standing with clasped hands. Then shall the Sovereign Lord meet thee, O bride.
She alone possesses discretion and all decorations and is of matchless beauty. She alone is the true wife, O Nanak, who is pleasing to the Creator.
Keeta Lorray Kam
ਕਾਰਜੁ ਦੇਇ ਸਵਾਰਿ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਸਚੁ ਸਾਖੀਐ ॥
ਸੰਤਾ ਸੰਗਿ ਨਿਧਾਨੁ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਚਾਖੀਐ ॥
Whatever work thou desirest to do, tell that to the Lord. He shall accomplish thy affair. The True Guru bears true testimony to it. By the company of saints, thou shall taste the treasure of Name Nectar.
Slok, Fifth Guru
Ustat Ninda Nanak Ji
ਹਭੇ ਸਾਕ ਕੂੜਾਵੇ ਡਿਠੇ ਤਉ ਪਲੈ ਤੈਡੈ ਲਾਗੀ ॥੧॥
From my mind, O Nanak, I have wholly banished praising and slandering others and have forsaken and abandoned all other worldly affairs.
I have seen all the kinsmen to be false; then I have attached myself to Thine skirt, O my Lord.
Wedding Hymns
Lavan
The four Lavan are presented below in Gurmukhi, followed by the Roman transliteration and English rendering contained in the supplied document.
ਬਾਣੀ ਬ੍ਰਹਮਾ ਵੇਦੁ ਧਰਮੁ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਹੁ ਪਾਪ ਤਜਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
ਧਰਮੁ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਹੁ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਧਿਆਵਹੁ ਸਿਮ੍ਰਿਤਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਦ੍ਰਿੜਾਇਆ ॥
ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਗੁਰੁ ਪੂਰਾ ਆਰਾਧਹੁ ਸਭਿ ਕਿਲਵਿਖ ਪਾਪ ਗਵਾਇਆ ॥
ਸਹਜ ਅਨੰਦੁ ਹੋਆ ਵਡਭਾਗੀ ਮਨਿ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਇਆ ॥
ਜਨੁ ਕਹੈ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਲਾਵ ਪਹਿਲੀ ਆਰੰਭੁ ਕਾਜੁ ਰਚਾਇਆ ॥੧॥
Transliteration
Har pehlrree laav parvirtee
Karam drirraya balram jeo.
Bani Brahama Ved dharm drirro
Paap tjaya balram jeo.
Dharam drirro Harnam dhiavo
Simrat naam drirraya.
Satgur Gur poora aarodho
Sabh Kilvikh paap gavayaa.
Sehaj anand hoa vadbhagi
Mun har har mitha laiyaa.
Jan kaheh Nanak laav pehlee
Arambh kaaj rachayaa. || 1 ||
English rendering
Proceeding forth into the first nuptial round, the Lord presents before you His instruction for the daily duties of marital life.
Rather than the Vedas or Brahma, you are to recite the hymns of the Guru and be constant in the performance of your duty.
Thus the errors of the past shall be washed away. Be confirmed in righteousness and repeat the Lord's Name.
Reflect upon the True Guru, who is ever perfect, and all your sins and misdeeds will leave you.
By the greatest good fortune the thoughts of the Lord become soothing to the mind. Nanak proclaims that in this first round the marriage ceremony has begun.
ਨਿਰਭਉ ਭੈ ਮਨੁ ਹੋਇ ਹਉਮੈ ਮੈਲੁ ਗਵਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
ਨਿਰਮਲੁ ਭਉ ਪਾਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਵੇਖੈ ਰਾਮੁ ਹਦੂਰੇ ॥
ਹਰਿ ਆਤਮ ਰਾਮੁ ਪਸਾਰਿਆ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਸਰਬ ਰਹਿਆ ਭਰਪੂਰੇ ॥
ਅੰਤਰਿ ਬਾਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਏਕੋ ਮਿਲਿ ਹਰਿ ਜਨ ਮੰਗਲ ਗਾਏ ॥
ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਦੂਜੀ ਲਾਵ ਚਲਾਈ ਅਨਹਦ ਸਬਦ ਵਜਾਏ ॥੨॥
Transliteration
Har doojrree laav Satgur purkh
Milaya balram jeo.
Nirbhao bhey mun hoey
Haomay meil gaviya balram jeo.
Nirmal bhao paya Har goon gaya
Har vekheh Ram hadooreh.
Har aatam Ram pasarial Suami
Sarab rihya bharpooray.
Antar bahar Har Prabh eko
Mil Har jan mangal gaaeh.
Jan Nanak dooji laav chlaaee
Unhudh Sabad vajaeh. || 2 ||
English rendering
Comes the second nuptial round, and the Lord has made you meet the True Guru.
With your heart bound by the fear of the Fearless God, all sense of pride is washed from the mind.
Knowing the fear of God and singing His praises, you behold His presence before you.
God, the Lord Master, is the soul of creation. He pervades everywhere and fills all places with His Being.
Nanak proclaims that in this second nuptial round the Divine Music is heard.
ਸੰਤ ਜਨਾ ਹਰਿ ਮੇਲੁ ਹਰਿ ਪਾਇਆ ਵਡਭਾਗੀਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
ਨਿਰਮਲੁ ਹਰਿ ਪਾਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਇਆ ਮੁਖਿ ਬੋਲੀ ਹਰਿ ਬਾਣੀ ॥
ਸੰਤ ਜਨਾ ਵਡਭਾਗੀ ਪਾਇਆ ਹਰਿ ਕਥੀਐ ਅਕਥ ਕਹਾਣੀ ॥
ਹਿਰਦੈ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਧੁਨਿ ਉਪਜੀ ਹਰਿ ਜਪੀਐ ਮਸਤਕਿ ਭਾਗੁ ਜੀਉ ॥
ਜਨੁ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਬੋਲੇ ਤੀਜੀ ਲਾਵੈ ਹਰਿ ਉਪਜੈ ਮਨਿ ਬੈਰਾਗੁ ਜੀਉ ॥੩॥
Transliteration
Har teejrree laav man chao bhiya
Bairagia balram jeo.
Sant jana Har mail Har paiya
Vadbhagia balram jeo.
Nirmal Har paayia Hargoon gaiya
Mukh boli Har bani.
Sant jina vadbhagi paaya
Har kathieh akath kahaani.
Hirdai Har Har Har dhoon oopji
Har japieh mustak bhaag jeo.
Jan Nanak boley tiji laaveh
Har oopjay mun bairaag jeo. || 3 ||
English rendering
In the third round the praises of the Lord fill the mind.
By the greatest good fortune you have come to meet the Lord God in the company of the holy.
Singing His praises and speaking the Divine Word, the Immaculate Lord is found.
The music of God resounds within and we contemplate the Lord God, for we have been blessed with a great destiny written upon our foreheads.
Nanak proclaims that in this third round the love of God has awakened in the heart.
ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਮਿਲਿਆ ਸੁਭਾਇ ਹਰਿ ਮਨਿ ਤਨਿ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਇਆ ਬਲਿ ਰਾਮ ਜੀਉ ॥
ਹਰਿ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਇਆ ਮੇਰੇ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਭਾਇਆ ਅਨਦਿਨੁ ਹਰਿ ਲਿਵ ਲਾਈ ॥
ਮਨ ਚਿੰਦਿਆ ਫਲੁ ਪਾਇਆ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਹਰਿ ਨਾਮਿ ਵਜੀ ਵਾਧਾਈ ॥
ਹਰਿ ਪ੍ਰਭਿ ਠਾਕੁਰਿ ਕਾਜੁ ਰਚਾਇਆ ਧਨ ਹਿਰਦੈ ਨਾਮਿ ਵਿਗਾਸੀ ॥
ਜਨੁ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਬੋਲੇ ਚਉਥੀ ਲਾਵੈ ਹਰਿ ਪਾਇਆ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਅਵਿਨਾਸੀ ॥੪॥੨॥
Transliteration
Har chaothree laav mun sehaj bhiya
Har paaiyua balram jeo.
Gurmukh milia Subhaey Har Mun
Tun mitha laaya balram jeo.
Har mitha laaya mereh Prabh bhaya
Undin Har livlaee.
Mun chindia phal paaya suami
Har Nam vaji vadhaaee.
Har prabh Thakur kaaj rachaiya
Dhun hirdey Nam vigasee.
Jan Nanak boley chaoteh laaveh
Har paaiya Prabh avnaasee. || 4 || 2 ||
English rendering
In this fourth round, the mind grasps the knowledge of the Divine and God is realized within.
By the Guru's Grace we have reached the Lord with ease; our bodies and souls are filled with the tender delight of the Beloved.
God seems sweet and the thoughts remain joined to Him night and day. The object of the heart's desire has been obtained.
By praising His Name the highest praise is gained, while the heart of the bride blooms with His Holy Name.
Nanak proclaims that in the fourth round the Eternal Lord has been found.
Post Wedding Hymn
Wiyah Hooa Mere Babla
My marriage is performed, O my father! By Guru's instruction I have obtained God.
The darkness of my ignorance is removed. The Guru has blazed the very bright light of Divine knowledge.
The Guru-given Divine knowledge is shedding lustre and the darkness is dispelled. I have therefore found the priceless gem of God's Name.
My malady of ego has departed and my anguish is over. Under Guru's instruction I myself have eaten up my self-conceit.
I have obtained God of immortal form as my spouse. He is imperishable and so dies or goes not. The marriage has been solemnized, O my father, and by Guru's instruction I have found God.
Source
Anand Karaj — Sikh Marriage Ceremony. Compiled by Dr. Pritam Singh (New Zealand). Presented from the supplied source document. Gurmukhi passages have been restored in Unicode where the original PDF uses legacy font encoding.